Look at you, sitting there, with your cup of tea in one hand and your phone in the other, scrolling through your feed like you haven’t got a care in the world. I wish I was you. I wish I hadn’t been exposed to the horrors that I’d seen in the wedding industry. These deep, dark, horrors keep me up at night. They make me scream out into the darkness and call for my mum. They make me want to curl up under a blanket and tuck in my limbs so that they can’t grab me from under the bed. They’re called ‘trends’. And I hate them.
Here’s why.
I like to keep up to date with my industry. Even though I’ve got my own style of photography and my own way of being… well… me, it’s never a good thing to be ‘set in your ways’, as they say. Therefore, it’s in my interest to keep up to date with the industry. That means buying the occasional magazine, scrolling through Instagram, and perusing the many wedding sites that seem to multiply like a vengeful strain of coronavirus walking into a party and screaming, ‘hey, I’m here for a good time, not a long time’.
Over the past month, I’ve been dissecting the usual media, and on my perilous journey I’ve seen the same old re-hashed title rearing its ugly head on every blog, hashtag and news article in my vicinity: ‘2020 wedding trends’.
2020 is a big year for weddings. There’s no denying it. Call it a spiritual thing, call it superstition - call it what you like. Some people view this year as ‘lucky’ and, therefore, they want to sprinkle some of that luck on their marriage like hundreds and thousands on a doughnut (oops, I’ve already given a ‘trend’ away). I don’t have a problem with it - after all, it means more tallow in my pocket - but what I do have a problem with is the lack of originality that goes hand in hand with following trends.
I’ve already talked about why I find unoriginality so boring, but now I want to go into more detail. That’s right, you’ll have to endure me whining about wedding trends for the next few hundred words. Try reading the rest of the blog post in my voice - it’s a guaranteed migraine.
Doughnut wall
Getting married in summer? Great. Let’s pour a load of sticky, pink icing on some doughnuts, hang them from pegs on a wall, and watch them all melt. Even better if your little jerk of a nephew decides to chuck one of those dress-ruiners in your direction.
Flower wall
What’s with people sticking things on walls? Next it’ll be a ‘vegan wall’, where you can hang vegans when they complain about the amount of egg at your buffet.
Giant Love Letters
Five years ago, with led bulbs, four years ago outside bulbs, three years ago with reclaimed wood, two years ago no bulbs, one year ago with dry flowers and now with balloons. Hope in 2021 someone burns them all.
Candy station
Remember that nephew of yours who ruined your dress? Well, he’s just overdosed on sweets at the candy station, and subsequently karate chopped the DJ so that he could play Baby Shark ten times in a row.
Photo frame within a photo
Want to try a unique and fun optical illusion which doesn’t require you to hold up a photo frame and pose inside it? Great. When you think of one, let me know.
Dance routine entrances
It started in 2009 with the famous JK Wedding Entrance Dance, and it should have stayed there.
Flower crowns
Do you really want to look like your wedding took place at Coachella between a drugged-up Miley Cyrus and 2000 selfie-taking ‘influencers’?
Naked cakes
Your cake is cold and embarrassed. Cover it up!
Of course, this is my take on this year’s wedding trends. But you don’t have to go by my rules. You don’t have to go by anyone’s rules, apart from your own. It’s your wedding - remember that. Let’s see what you’re made of.