Every day the news is full of people who have shown enormous courage and startling bravery in circumstances that none of us would wish to find ourselves in. Some talk about how it felt like in some ways their entire lives had prepared them for finding the bravery needed to do what they did. There are some folk who shrug their shoulders and say they just did what anyone else would have done in the same situation. I fall into neither of these categories as I sit down to write this blog post, but I will draw from these heroes bravery as I prepare to tackle my most difficult topic yet.
In the past I have talked about nipples, the dangers (and glories) of excessive booze at wedding receptions. I have even debunked a few myths about wedding night sex. But for this post I’m going to stumble carelessly into a topic that is probably more controversial and emotive than anything I’ve written about before. I’m talking about losing weight for your wedding.
The motives for trying to reach an ideal size before a wedding are varied, and ultimately the choice to lose weight before a wedding is a personal one. Well-meaning friends and family may try and influence the choices you make about many aspects of your wedding but nobody would dare suggest that you trim up a bit before saying ‘I do’. Because if anyone did suggest you need to shift some weight in preparing for starting your married life then, well, fuck ‘em. Especially if your partner is the person who brings up the topic.
So I’m sticking clear of the motives for wedding weight loss, and hopefully that means I’ve managed to navigate around at least one potential minefield.
But how do you actually go about reaching your target weight? The earlier you reach the decision to slim the more time you have to put a plan into action. If you’re planning a wedding that won’t be happening for a few years then you may feel like you’ve got all the time in the world, but it’s probably never too early to get started. There are bound to be some treats that pop up a little too frequently in your daily lives, a few calorific foods that can be reduced in frequency. Perhaps you could walk or cycle short journeys that you would normally use the car for.
You could join a gym, but I’ve never understood how choosing to spend effort and significant amounts of money to spend time around skinny scrawns could help motivate you to get stuck in. Anyone strutting around the place with a truly athletic body has probably spent years in the gym. If your wedding is just a few weeks away then any goals set seeing stick figures sweating through their lycra is likely to be unhelpful.
So far I am fully aware that I’ve not given any concrete advice in this post, but I’m going to end on one really good bit of solid gold advice, a veritable diamond in the dogshit (if you will). This one piece of advice will make sure feel great on your wedding day - when you’re seeing your tailor, and he’s measuring you for your groom’s suit, for fucks sake don’t hold your gut in when he’s measuring your waist. Men, you might be worried about your weight before a wedding, but seriously, all you really need is a good pair of comfy trousers. You might not want to go as far as trying to convince your bride that a pair of jogging bottoms will perfectly match her wedding dress, but many a good man has weathered his wedding day in suit trousers with an elasticated waistband. Oh, and don’t be afraid to undo your top button if the wedding breakfast takes it’s toll on your belly, just make sure you remember to button up again before standing up to do your speech. Because if you don’t I’ll be there ready with my camera, and you just know the photo of you in your smalls will get more ‘likes’ on Facebook than any other photo you post of your big day.