Have you ever been to a wedding and found yourself staring slack-jawed at another guest wondering what was going their mind when they got dressed that morning? I’m not talking about the bride or groom here; they can wear what the hell they like, it’s their day after all. If she so wishes the bride can wear something that leaves nothing to the imagination, or something that has more LEDs than a Christmas tree. Nobody would dare question a bride’s choice of dress on her big day. The guests on the other hand…
There are some choices that are just plain unacceptable. Have you ever been to a wedding and spotted a female guest who is wearing an outfit so skimpy it looks like she left the house in such a rush she forgot to dress any further than her petticoat? I have, and it wasn’t a pretty sight after the buffet had been demolished and the structural integrity of the outfit had been tested to its limit on the dancefloor.
So there’s a golden rule for starters - make sure you’re wearing enough clothes. If other guests can see parts of you that only your gynecologist normally sees then at the very least you’re going to distract the best man during his speech. This goes double for men - I’ve been to some pretty far-out weddings but I’m yet to work at a wedding where a mankini would be considered the correct attire for a gentleman.
So now we’ve established the wedding faux pas of being nearly naked, and you may be wondering why it needs to be said, but I will bet you folding-money that there’s at least one of your friends who think he’ll be the ‘whacky one’ who bares his arse at some point during your wedding. Admittedly if someone is drunk and determined to show the world their private parts at your wedding then there’s probably very little you can do about stopping them. But having unwanted nakedness happen late at night when some of your more delicately minded guests have already ambled home is one thing, having your best mates sitting through the church service with their giblets on display might upset the vicar.
For a while now I’ve been considering asking my readers to send in their own snaps of badly dressed wedding guests, but if the topic of this blog post was to be the theme I’m not sure my stomach could stand it.
Some happy couples insist on a dress code on their wedding invitations, and I think that’s a great idea. You could ask all your friends and family to wear at least one item of clothing in a colour that compliments your own outfits. Or if you’re really devilish you could insist all male guests between a certain age range wear their partner’s underwear. Although you might spend the rest of your life explaining the awkward smiles in your wedding photos.
By the way, I know what’s going through my mind when I get dressed for a wedding. You’ll never guess what it is, and if you want to know you’ll have to ask. You might be in for a surprise...