There are aspects of being a wedding photographer that I know other folk don’t talk about. Polite folk mostly. But then you know me (or if you don’t then get in touch and let’s fix that now), I like to bring you the facts on things that you may never have considered. I’m guessing that at least half my readers (the women?) haven’t given much thought to my topic today, and why would they? But for us guys there’s one aspect of our lives that we don’t tend to discuss in polite company - the toilet. Or in my case needing the toilet when I’m taking photos at your wedding.
If you think this blog post is going to be a gross-out filth-fest then I guess you can make the choice about whether you wanna read it right now. On the other hand maybe I’ll cover this topic with delicacy and gentile finess; I guess unless you read on you’ll never know....
If you’ve read my blog before you’ll know that I am much more into letting you know what I’m really like to work with, rather than creating some made-up nonsense that has no more to do with the way I work than a cabbage has to do with a game of football. So when I tell you that the biggest problem I have with needing the loo when I’m shooting a wedding is missing some crucial part of the action then hopefully you'll know I'm not just saying that to look good. Fortunately, if I have a second-shooter or assistant with me the pressure is off a bit; if nature calls I can answer the call while my colleague keeps an eye out for moments that we don’t want to miss. Seriously, at every wedding I’ve ever worked at there is always a never-ending string of random occurrences that I want to be sure I don’t miss - it’s part of what makes weddings such brilliant fun! But if I’m taking photographs at your wedding and am flying solo now you know why you might see me turn and run out of the room faster than Uncle Pete runs to the bar when his glass is empty.
If I do actually get time to toddle off for a tiddle you’d think my problems are over, oh no, they’re just beginning. I’ve worked in many wonderful wedding venues over the years, and even if they’re purpose-built the toilets are always quite literally ‘the smallest room in the house’. For your average guest, size is not an issue (no giggling at the back), but if you’ve got several huge cameras slung around your neck then new issues arise faster than the groom’s anatomy on wedding night (too far?!?).
The first option is to find yourself a space at the urinals, but this is only an absolute last-ditch option if there really is no chance of getting a cubicle. For one thing a wedding photographer covered in cameras is considerably wider than your average guest, so a certain amount of rugby scrum type action is required to get close enough to the porcelain to even think about moving to ‘stage 2’ of the operation. Once you’re in place there’s little you can do to stop your equipment (by which I mean your cameras of course) thumping your neighbours in the back, and being thumped in the back byanything while attending to business is just not on. Brawls have been ignited over far lesser things in some of the rougher nightclubs of Suffolk. And all this is assuming you don’t accidentally trigger the shutter on a camera once you’ve started draining the lizard…